Dead men tell no jokes.

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theandrictregetour:

I think I’m pretty funny.

*insert laugh track here*

you’re a one-woman sitcom.

(via affranchi)

Source: gainsaidthanatocracy

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    • #tw: lalondes
  • 6 months ago > gainsaidthanatocracy
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theandrictregetour replied to your post: or, you know, don’t. i guess. i should stop…

You’ll find love someday.

i can’t even tell if that was a sincere statement or if you were being cute.

    • #theandrictregetour
    • #tw: lalondes
  • 6 months ago
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theandrictregetour:

It was a foolish decision made by a desperate, young girl who wanted nothing more than to protect her friends.

I am indeed. Cheers.

oh. sburb?

have a good one, rose!

(via affranchi)

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  • 8 months ago > affranchi
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theandrictregetour:

They aren’t evil, perse. They have merely extended our contract far past the terms in which I thought they were for. I am now litigating. 

I threw a bomb originally strong enough to destroy an entire sun in with it. It ought to be pretty dead. 

why’d you make a contract with them?

i’m not even going to ask where you got that bomb. so long as it’d dead, all’s well, right?

guess you’ll be celebrating now? 

(via affranchi)

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  • 8 months ago > affranchi
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theandrictregetour:

Just the opposite.

I halved one of them via portal.

oh, so that’s what happens when you close a portal when someone is halfway through.

nice one!

(via affranchi)

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  • 8 months ago > affranchi
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theandrictregetour:

gainsaidthanatocracy replied to your post: Good evening, everyone. I am going to ignore the…

about time someone stood up to betty crocker corp.

Horrorterrors, John. Not your petty rivalry with a successful baking company who brought domestic goddesshood to the stressed out housewife with the swing of a spatula.

Forgive me if I roll my eyes.

yeah, i figured it was something more serious. just trying to make a joke. :(

those horrorterror things bothering you?

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  • 8 months ago > affranchi
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theandrictregetour replied to your post: theandrictregetour replied to your post:…

You can have more than one child, John. It’s not that much of a problem. But fine. You’re the one offering your soul, after all.

you’ve got a deal. our business is concluded. i’ll be over with one fresh soul and a bag full of dvd’s. wear something loose-fitting, if possible.

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  • 9 months ago
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theandrictregetour replied to your post: theandrictregetour replied to your post:…

For your first-born, I’ll take off the shirt.

how about you keep the shirt on and i put my hands in? deal?

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  • 9 months ago
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theandrictregetour replied to your post: theandrictregetour replied to your post:…

I can give you good rates on both for twenty seven seconds.

under the shirt?

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  • 9 months ago
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theandrictregetour replied to your post: theandrictregetour replied to your post:…

Variable upon quality of souls and freshness rating of films, as per Rotten Tomatoes reviews.

virgin mortal soul. does that count for anything?

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  • 9 months ago
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About

Your name is John Egbert and you've recently undergone the most traumatic experience of your life involving the living dead, a constant struggle for survival, and no cable television. While you did lose a lot from the experience, you gained a wonderful little baby girl you lovingly named Casey and adopted her as your own.

After many months of struggle, a Rose from another universe had plucked you from your timeline and moved you to hers where zombies were just a thing of gritty horror movies and you didn't have to sleep with one eye open. You're pretty grateful for that.

[ zombiestuck!John Egbert, 21 years old ]

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